So I am jealous...

Y'all know how to do everything on Twitter and My Space and Blogging and I can't even find my digital camera (one of the first ones ever invented - probably my laptop won't even recognize it) so I updated my profile! Yeah, at least I can do that! Oh Feather, pleas e give me lessons...do u have U-Verse...if not I can go bug pjmac and i can do it wireless cuz I am already on his service....gosh I'm a techno-dork...heavy sigh....

Sponge Bob and Sticky Pants

I don't thinks I have ever been so challenged in my life. I have never laughed so hard, cried so much or been so grossed out. Caring for 3 children 4, 3, 2 for a 40 hour week has cured me of any predisposition I may have had of digging out at least one good egg in my tubes and getting amy poehl to carry my genetically engineered child. Engineered because I am thinking if I shake up a bunch of my favorite guys little swimmers in a jar, I can at least hope for good genes on the fathers side! NO, I am going for a grand child! ONE! One only who I can keep track of, fed with freshly prepared healthy meals and milk in a cup that really doesn't leak on the couch when turned upside down. One that will not want anything but clean skin. Maybe I will engineer a non stick skinned child. I finally realized, the easiest thing with a 2 yr old is to just to let them eat in a diaper and then hose them down in a shower when they are done. Also would be good for poopy diapers teflon diapers and teflon skin...Oh yeahhh, baby! Also, I know there is a 5 second rule howver, I see now that it has been expanded to the five YEAR rule. If the kid can scrape it up with a fingernail, it is fair game, especially after the dog has gotten to it first, licked it and softened it up! This is where u cnduct sneak attacks because if scream NO they will get in their mouth faster than u can leap the couch in a single bound. I have learned to close my eyes when I see what is about to happen and go to my happy place. Then I found out if u try to go to ur happy place, when u open ur eyes child#2 has already had a bath in the dog bowl while child #3 is in the garage, climbing in the dryer. I also see now why the electronic babysitter is almost worth having the children's eyes go square and they talk only in commercials. OY! Is that what I look and sound like? i am also finding myself grateful that Spielberg, the 4yr old, knows how to operate all the technology or we would have to use our minds to think of things to do or find a book to read. Scuse me, Sticky Pants is trying to wet swiffer for me....ok I am back...
It's also interesting that I believe in exorcism again because when Princess Diva looks at up at u with the most beautiful face and innocent smile and in a flash her head spinds around and Linda Blair shows up, I know exactly how to cast out that devil.
Don't get me started on the paddle. I went YEARS without paddling my nephews. I did everything so they would not commit any felony that would cause me to say, "I have to get the paddle now". Well, I went 3 days and finally had to paddle Sticky Pants to stay in bed (Gosh, I love diapers cushion) un front of Princess Diva so she would know...oh yes I will, but I wouldn't have to cuz she would repent after all and take her nap too. It worked and she slept 3 hours.
I have also tried the get out one toy and when u r done u exchange for another rule as I have seen at my mwooooowaaaahhhhhhhhhahahahaha (evil laugh). First rule of childcaring is just letter rip and clean up about 45 mins b4 they come home and look all cool and collected when they walk in and u can just toss your hair and reply "no thang" as they gaze at you in blazing adoration at your parenting skills and ask you "How did you get them to do that?"
Well, its time for me to go change my diaper. Thanks 4 letting me vent....Hay STOP THAT! Oh, sorry, thought you were gone...

Do you want the good news or the bad news or the good news or...

What a day already and its only 4:30!

Todays adventure begins with a little sleeping in and then, of course, the checking of the painted swatches...gosh...I am digressing already! Out go the dogs, feed the cats, make the coffee and then I decided to make the phone calls I have been putting off.

I call the mortgage co. to tell them no dough. Mike is nice and says he will patch me thru to collections where they will tell me my options, during which, I of course get disconnected and get to start all over. I get back to collections finally and get a sweet little girl voice with a major accent who is trying very hard to use her best english to tell me she will send me papers to fill out for them to review any options they may offer and they will be there in four days, she assures me, but offers no info as to what those options will be. Mike, in the earlier call, had also suggested calling this Hope place for help w/a pymnt as well. I hang up from the nice girl, call the Hope place and she tells me they perform the same function as the papers the mtg co is sending, they will look at my whole life situation and decide what they will do with me. Hmmmm, so if the mtg company will do the same thing as Hope, why is there Hope? Renee proceeds to tell me what the options are that they can choose from so I can be prepared. I decide to make myself feel better with this info and the fact that they will not foreclose for 150 days...good news or bad news? you decide

So, I drop my neighbor off at her appointment and go to renew my license, 2 days expired. I had armed myself with info from the internet, confident that I would get my renewal without much ado. The 12 year old little blond gwen stefani lookin' girl looks at my license and is all "like your license is expired." and I'm like "well, yah, that's why I'm here" and she 's all " well, I need your state certified birth certificate." and I'm like " well, its 2 days and it was a long weekend" and she looks at me like I'm 4 and says, "you can renew it 60 days before." and I, looking sheepish, smartly reply "well, I didn't know that." Then dude comes over as I am relaying all my internet research (which was all a LIE) and he says, "you can bring your passport too." To which I snarl, "my passport is 20 years old" and he goes "it doesn't matter, its a primary form of ID like your birth certificate." I say, "but it says on the internet that I can use my health card or my voters reg" and he's all "that is secondary ID" so I say "well, my 2 secondaries beats your one primary!" "He looks at me all exasperated-fatherlike and hands me a number and says call the OHP exam site and they'll tell you what they will take. Now I am crying and take the number , say thank you, it's not your fault, and leave (I am mostly always polite).

Ok, deep breath, dial the OHP # and ask the robot guy who answers "whasssup". He says the same thing tag dude said and I am laughing quietly when I ask him "so you'll take a 20yr old EXPIRED passport but not a 2 day expired license?" He says thats right. OK, I give up.
Lots of bad news...

Now I gotta go pick up my perscription and I am hopeful that my $25 transfer gift cert coupon will work...Y? well, because I trfrd a Walgreen script to CVS for a $25 card and then I trfrd it back to Walgreens for their gift card BUT since it was originally Walgreens in the first place. Not only did they honor the offer (wheeeeee, toilet paper cometh!) but the drug dude rings up my script and says $15. I look up from the store flyer (oooo I still have $5.00 what can I buy?) and almost yell "no" and explain that my co-pay is higher and I don't want to cheat them. Drug dude checks again and says "well,you got the generic" and now I am freaking because apparently I could have been saving $10 a month and they have withheld this life-chaing info! Drug dude checks again and says "it's only been out a month" "oh" I say "well, cool". So now I have saved $10 AND drug girl says "would you like to use the gift card to pay for the drugs?" Yeah! Duh! I am not saying anything else because just because its in writing on the net or the coupon doesn't make it so! I did read the terms and conditions and it specifically say the card could NOT be used on the co-pay. Sheesh...they either know their job or they don't. Everyone has made me tired today. I m done! I take my drugs, toilet paper and gatorade, oh, and my 2 for $1 snickers bars and go home. Good news? I guess it all evens out in the end but it all feels like the roller coaster is out of control.

BTW the mortgage company called when I got home and asked if I wanted to make a payment...

I am going to bed now...

Kisses

I have spent more time looking...

...for paint for my house than I ever did looking for a wedding dress. It is ridiculous that I have wasted DAYS looking for paint for my living room and bedroom! I had the house painted when I first moved in 6 years ago (really? has it been 6 yrs?). So, two years ago I bought the paint of my dreams and used it me dead mum's house to get it ready to sell...I loved it so much I bought some for me...so 2 years later, on one of my many employment sabbaticals, I decide I HAVE to paint! I get out the paint and it doesn't smell bad (that's what the paint dude told me to look for since it had been 2 years). OK, so far so good. I already have all the accutraments and since I learned from a prefessionul painter how to cut in, I don't need no drop cloths or masking off. (Ahem, did I tell you about the quart of school bus yellow paint I dropped in my entry way? now I just stand behind my front door with my umbrella and my Howdy-Doody lunch box waiting for the short bus...) But, I digress. So, only one of the colors looks right and the others, not so much. Back I go for a retint and more tint and ...I gotta start over (heavy sigh)

Anyway, after many trips to many stores for many paint samples and complete exhaustion from walking back and forth, day and night trying to see if I like the colors at all times of day and in all types of lighting, I decide today is the day or I miss the sale! I finally make it to the Home Depot, where I always check out the oops paint first...got Behr paint for my laundry room for $5.00! Well, as I turn the corner and start scanning the can tops, what to my wondering eyes should appear? The perfect color FOR FIVE U.S. American dollars! OMG! I tell the paint lady (and I use the term loosely) that if it looks wrong in the incandescent lighting I will bring it back and get the color I slaved over within a half hour. She says you can't return OOPS paint. LOL! I said, yes u will and she said OK...like I am the boss of her or something...whatever...I got it home and it was D-LISH! I propped it up with the different bedspreads (I have a winter and a summer) which Spike the cat wanted to play "fort" under and when I try to put him out of the way he starts to climb up my shoulder for his "hug" whereupon he can look down from on high and make the dogs jealous...again I digress...where was I...oh, yes, propped up and looking good...this gave me extra money from dogsitting and babysitting throw-up boy and his siblings...that's a whole nuther blog...so I got out my trust PURDY brush and started swiping some samples around and after watching the samples dry (kinda like holding your breath while waiting to see what happens after you pee on the stick). Well, like Rachel Ray says...YUM-O! It is soooo amazing it even works in the living room where the colors didn't come out right! I call paint lady back and ask how do I get more if I need it cuz the rip the color codes off for OOPS cuz the have no idea what they put in it the first time...hence the OOPS! She goes on to say if I paint some on a white card they will "scan" it and get as close as possible then I can mix them together! Oh glee Oh joy...howse that workin' for ya lady? Dilemma, shall I paint the bedroom with it or the living room and/or both, praying for the multiplying of its ala the loaves and fishes? or...let's see, I haven't hit Ace Hardware for samples, oh, maybe Walmart...

I see my time here is thru and Boomer Sooner, still smelling a little skunky, is currently staring at and growling at his food on a newspaper because Crazy Daisy won't eat out of dish anymore, and he is like Pete and Repeat so I better investigate...

Wow, if u made it all the way thru this in one sitting, I gotta know!

Peace out!

YPbr2, AV, Video, HDMI, In, Out, Coax OH MY

TWO HOURS. I must have taken the short bus to technology school. I just spent 2 hours trying to get my CD/DVD to play thru my TV so I could do little P&W and now I am so frustrated and mad at myself I would need 10 CD's to get settled into the throne room (Sorry Father - you are the one who gave us emotions). After manuals and calling tech support and more manuals and calling another tech support I found out I had a DVD in, when I thought I had a CD in and IT WAS WORKING THE WAY IT WAS SUPPOSED TO. I just thought maybe I was getting some free video somehow. I was telling the techie that when I put the Input on "video" I was getting a movie and he said, "well, do u maybe have a DVD in there, not a CD?" Let me see, why yes, it IS a DVD I was trying to figure out the other night how to play. OH that what what I'm saying I said. Really, I CAME UNGLUED and started a yelling tirade of berating myself - right on the speaker phone (you know, for freedom of movement to dance around the TV while the techie was having me pull this and unplug that). I promise u tho...I did not backslide verbally...I did say poop and holy crap...oh well, lets go find the perfect 10 CD's...

Let's talk about SPAM...the meat kind

Spam and eggs fro breakfast today. YUM! I think if I didn't grow up on spam i would not eat it today. I think it is one of those mystery foods...but when you pair the eggs with the salt spam and toast with honey...what a combo! Like fried hot dog circles with eggs. Like chips and ice cream sandwiches, chips ahoy cookies and bologna sandwiches, tuna casserole with lots of crumbles potato chips on it, ham and cheese sandwiches with with lettuce, tomato mustard and mayo with a banana and BBQ chips, pudding over cake, depression eggs, hot green beans on a salad with ranch...oh dear...I need to go grocery shopping.

yeah, we all have our secret combos...want to share yours...we won't tell...

Parking Lot Poopy People

Honestly, I guess traffic control devices are optional to drivers AFTER entering a parking lot, you know, like turn signals must be optional for some cars. I was down in the shopping district today (OOOOooo Ulta is my new BFF. Buy some thing, get something free! AND a 60 day return policy! But I digress...) Anyway, I will admit that the way they designed the layout of these traffic control items, may contribute to the problem, however driver awareness, or lack thereof, seems to be at issue here.
I don't know if it is the phone call they are on, or trying to figure out in their head how much they have left to charge on their credit card or did they remember the coupon or what. Everyone knows what a DWI is, well, I am going to petition the law makers for a new law AND that cops can have jurisdiction on private property and can issue violations for DWHUB (Driving With Head up Butt). The penalty: they are grounded parking lots for 30 days for each traffic control device that they disregarded. They can just park on the street or get a ride...

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snips n snails n puppy dog tales, yes tales i say

i m a good parent...if u kno me u kno that i researched to get human grade petfood to live as long as me and i drive 30 miles round trip 2 get it. i walk them, feed them healthy treats (also researched). they go to the vet to get their but squeezed and their nails trimmed. i m a good mom. sooo good that i m typing with one hand while cradling boomer sooner over my shoulder like a sad child because tonite we walked to the golf course and he explored a little too closely and curiously a creature that was black like him! oh me oh joy a blk n white friend! only he is more of a stripe of white where mine are patches. no matter, i like everyone and i came to play! ohhh cool waterfight! wait...it doesnt smell like water...pu! mom mom I can't see, where are you...i hear you but i don't see u..oh there u r...that guy i tried to play with, he squirted me! My eye, my eye...whuddayah mean u wont carry me cuz i stink...oooooh noooo, the bath..baking soda? vinegar? PLUS shampoo and conditioner! OY just hold me momma, hold me hold me hold me....mommy had already taken her sleeping pill so this was qite the adveture...o the typng is bad...must sleeeep i m a good mom i dont deserve this....snyxxx

Beginnings and Forgiveness

Greetings and salutations! Who knew? Thank you featherlikeabird.blogspot.com and countrygirl...imitation is the sincerity? Not so much..now taking inspiration from you heroes...yeah, much better.

So. I always have something rattling around the brain cavity...usually scary. This week I have had occasion to forgive and it wasn't necessarily all my fault...poop, okay, it wouldn't have turned into what it became had I not fleshed out and aggravated the whole thing. Oh, I am not saying it didn't feel delish, however, now I look stupid. This is the second neighbor that had become my arch enemy (OMG - me having an enemy!).

This week I was informing the new neighbor (A RENTER!) about a homeowners association violation he was commiting, his SECOND perpetration in ONE WEEK! ARGHHHH! (How self-righteous am I - let she who is without sin...) so I simply made the statement and he looked at me and started walking away and I said something inflammatory and it was ON! I stayed calm and smug while he railed on and on in my face, pointing about 6 inches away from my roman nose, and of course, I had to comment on what a great "pointer" he had....ooooo...now he is swearing and threatening and, of course, I had to tell him how scared I was and how I was going to "tell on him". (What am I 6?) Off he went in his truck still yelling at me down the drive and I smiled triumphantly. And the Lord spoke: "repent!" No, He just said I have to apologize...I HATE it when that happens...and as the Lord would have it, I had my chance the very next night. I apologized humbly (the dogs didn't even bark at them) to him and his girl/wife? and he said "ok". OMG, he didn't even apologize for his rantings! So, I had to forgive AGAIN! Do I rock or what! Let's keep that door of blessing open, shall we? Big Hugs! Her Highness