Sponge Bob and Sticky Pants

I don't thinks I have ever been so challenged in my life. I have never laughed so hard, cried so much or been so grossed out. Caring for 3 children 4, 3, 2 for a 40 hour week has cured me of any predisposition I may have had of digging out at least one good egg in my tubes and getting amy poehl to carry my genetically engineered child. Engineered because I am thinking if I shake up a bunch of my favorite guys little swimmers in a jar, I can at least hope for good genes on the fathers side! NO, I am going for a grand child! ONE! One only who I can keep track of, fed with freshly prepared healthy meals and milk in a cup that really doesn't leak on the couch when turned upside down. One that will not want anything but clean skin. Maybe I will engineer a non stick skinned child. I finally realized, the easiest thing with a 2 yr old is to just to let them eat in a diaper and then hose them down in a shower when they are done. Also would be good for poopy diapers teflon diapers and teflon skin...Oh yeahhh, baby! Also, I know there is a 5 second rule howver, I see now that it has been expanded to the five YEAR rule. If the kid can scrape it up with a fingernail, it is fair game, especially after the dog has gotten to it first, licked it and softened it up! This is where u cnduct sneak attacks because if scream NO they will get in their mouth faster than u can leap the couch in a single bound. I have learned to close my eyes when I see what is about to happen and go to my happy place. Then I found out if u try to go to ur happy place, when u open ur eyes child#2 has already had a bath in the dog bowl while child #3 is in the garage, climbing in the dryer. I also see now why the electronic babysitter is almost worth having the children's eyes go square and they talk only in commercials. OY! Is that what I look and sound like? i am also finding myself grateful that Spielberg, the 4yr old, knows how to operate all the technology or we would have to use our minds to think of things to do or find a book to read. Scuse me, Sticky Pants is trying to wet swiffer for me....ok I am back...
It's also interesting that I believe in exorcism again because when Princess Diva looks at up at u with the most beautiful face and innocent smile and in a flash her head spinds around and Linda Blair shows up, I know exactly how to cast out that devil.
Don't get me started on the paddle. I went YEARS without paddling my nephews. I did everything so they would not commit any felony that would cause me to say, "I have to get the paddle now". Well, I went 3 days and finally had to paddle Sticky Pants to stay in bed (Gosh, I love diapers cushion) un front of Princess Diva so she would know...oh yes I will, but I wouldn't have to cuz she would repent after all and take her nap too. It worked and she slept 3 hours.
I have also tried the get out one toy and when u r done u exchange for another rule as I have seen at my mwooooowaaaahhhhhhhhhahahahaha (evil laugh). First rule of childcaring is just letter rip and clean up about 45 mins b4 they come home and look all cool and collected when they walk in and u can just toss your hair and reply "no thang" as they gaze at you in blazing adoration at your parenting skills and ask you "How did you get them to do that?"
Well, its time for me to go change my diaper. Thanks 4 letting me vent....Hay STOP THAT! Oh, sorry, thought you were gone...